Gaming and Addiction!

Every now and then, I get addicted to a new game! I guess that’s maybe because it makes you focus on one thing, one goal and accomplishing that goal! it all started back from the days of AX-170 Computer (a.k.a Computer Sakhr), a Kuwaiti computer that was targeting the Arab community. I can’t recall the exact date of when we got that one, but I remember being fascinated by the drawing tool in it :).. by the way, we still have it!

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After that, we used to play on the Family Atari, and boy, that was something! I guess I enjoyed the car racing game the most, it was like really big thing! the canon that shoots monkeys and the airplanes one!… memories! I can’t remember how many times the hand was ruined and I guess this one ended up being sold to junk collectors!

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I can’t remember what came first, the Nintendo games or Microsoft 95. My head is missed up around this era, however, for the Nintendo game, Super Mario was the hit, an epic game that was and still my favorite. Even my Mom played that game! we used to play against each other at house and against cousins and uncles and we were professional players! we would reach the final stage in the game without losing any soul! those days were the golden age!

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When we first bought Windows 95 and later on Windows 98, it was all about games! I can’t remember how many games we played on these two! from Tomb raider to Fifa 98, Need for Speed the initial versions. We were pro! proud ones. I used to beat the hell out of my two brothers and it was lots of fun! in Fifa, my brothers hated playing against me as I was a real pro and never left a chance to tease them about me ‘the girl’ beating them 😀

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Add to that, Windows 2000, XP and moving forward! My favorite games would be Need for Speed all versions, Call of Duty all versions too! Fifa all versions, Tennis and the great Grand Theft Auto GTAaaaaa 😀

Play station and Nintendo Wii! we have a Nintendo Wii at the office and I spent half an hour trying to connect it to the TV and make it working. Once it was flashing there on the screen I was so full of myself 😀 but then I found that the controllers were not working so!

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Mobile!

My latest obsession is this! I’m all wrapped up around this and I’m improving over time and bought a bada** bike =D

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Another one that is similar to this and yup, it is a car racer 😀

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And the Adrenaline rush we are having when we play Despicable Me!

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And this one but… MEH! I didn’t go beyond the first Island I was not really hooked up to it!

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Board Games!

Yes, these are my ultimate obsession I guess! It is rare to find someone who enjoys them but I do a lot! and wish to find someone who share my same obsessions 😥

Catan

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Pandemic.

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My Favorite, Ticket to Ride,

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Cluedo

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top that with any card game, I’m all up for it 🙂 Am I a gaming addict, well.. I don’t think so.. yet O_o

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سلك السماعة – مصطفى ابراهيم

الكثيرون لا يلقون للشعر العامي أو الغير موزون أي قيمة بحجة البلاغة الأدبية وغيرها من الحجج التي تساق كل مرة في وجه أي بوادر كانت صغيرة أو كبيرة للتغير. لكن عموماً، بما أن الجميع أتفقوا على أن يختلفوا، مقطع قصيدة سلك السماعة من أجمل الأشعار العامية بلاغة برأيي وأعترف أيضاً أنني من المتهمين بالتأثر بالثورة المصرية بغض الطرف عما ألت اليه الأحداث اليوم!

 

الدنيا اساساً م الاول ..
شيء يشبه سلك السماعة ..
يتلعبك منك ف ثواني ..
و عشان يرجع مفرود تاني ..
لازم تتعذب و تعاني ..
و تفكه ف أكتر من ساعة ..

Medianeras: one more time!

Turn the English subtitle on the video to understand the thing!

When I first watched this movie (philosophical view of life) years ago, I was stunned! for a developer whose life is shaped and guided by the online world, it was an irony that some Argentinian director sat one day and thought of all of this!

From the great intro above to the last scene in the movie, I was glued! how often you can find your life depicted on the screen (well, without the love story part!) and how often a screenwriter can relate to you on the creation level!

Every time I watch this movie (watched countless times already) I found myself drowning in my loneliness and despair thinking, how this wired interconnected world is the only thing that ever got me! I lay down staring at the ceiling thinking am I an arrogant person who can’t communicate with others or I’m just a developer who finds it a little bit difficult to relate to others on the real side and hence lack the sense of connection and belonging!

When Brene Brown told us that vulnerability is the source of all the courage in the world, she was totally right! she nailed the thing down, however, what she didn’t realize is that people do not want to connect or relate to the true you or the real you! they want to relate to the nice enhanced version of you that doesn’t feel desperate or depressed! that doesn’t know how to laugh except with those they truly care for and that sometimes they may fail to connect but they desperately wish to communicate and connect!

Synopsis from the film

Martin is a phobic in recovery process. Little by little he manages to step out of theisolation of his one-room apartment and his virtual reality. He is a web designer.

Mariana just broke up after a long relationship. Her head is a mess, just like the apartment where she takes refuge. Martin and Mariana live in the same street, in opposite buildings, but they never met.

They walk through the same places, but they do not notice each other.

How can they meet in a city of three million people?

Urban loneliness.

Buenos Aires.
Medianeras.

What separates them is what brings them together.

All The Way – a Charles Bukowski Poem

If you’re going to try, go all the way.
Otherwise, don’t even start.
This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind.
It could mean not eating for three or four days.
It could mean freezing on a park bench.
It could mean jail. It could mean derision.
It could mean mockery–isolation.
Isolation is the gift.
All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.
And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.
And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
There is no other feeling like that.
You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.
You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.
It’s the only good fight there is.

A year from around the world!

I gotta say, last year between October 2014 and October 2015 I had the most fun and wonderful time in my life! it was travel time through which I had the chance to experience traveling, meeting new people to trying new food, seeing new places and most important: discovering my own self!

ahRzfmd1YXJkaWFuLXdvcmxkLW1hcHJMCxIGcG9pbnRzIkA3NTkxQTJDQzZBQkFBMDk2MUU0MDJFQzRBM0QzQ0Y2NDM5N0M5QjcxNDlBOEEyNzUxN0E3NkMzMjNFRDdBODdEDAThese memories reflects the craziest and truthful times I’ve been through. From almost cryin’ at Paddington station knowing no where to go to cruising Charles river in a bus! 2016 lets see what new adventures you are hiding to me 🙂

So here are some of last year’s adventures:

 

Dear my mentor, Izetbegovic 1

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Beside my dad, I don’t think that I ever had a living mentor, even the word mentor never came to my mind until I had to describe their influence on my way of thinking. Of those that I’m proud to call my mentors are Alija Ali Izetbegovic, Abu Hamid Al Ghazali and Malik ben Nabi. Why these among millions and millions of scholars and thinkers, I only can say that this is the well of God.

My dear mentor Alija Ali Izetbegovic,

I recall that one day you said in your book “Notes from prison”, that the blue sky in day light is beautiful, why do we need the night with its darkness? Then after thinking you said, we need the darkness in order to see the beautiful lightening stars. I always smile whenever I remember this, as a big admirer and fan of art, I’m always fascinated with such expressions but at the same time it draws my attention to why we as humans have a dark side too!

Each one of us has his good and bad, his ups and downs and that’s a bless in a sense that we tend to value and maintain high standards and morals. We tend to be perfectionists and idealists all the time and the result is becoming more disappointed and depressed of this imperfect and immoral world. However, in your book “Islam between East and West” you explained how our imperfection is perfection in its own. We are not angles who don’t makes mistakes all the time, and we are not daemons that do mistakes all the time but we are humans who do right and wrong and align with our nature of making mistakes and pursuing doing the right thing all the time.

However my mentor, trying to do the right thing all the time is really tiring, you end up caught up in the middle between your nagging never-stop-hyper-thinking super ego as Freud discussed, and your desires and needs (Id) and this poor ego -that is trying to please both sides and accommodate both of them- is thinking to kill himself. I reached to a conclusion my mentor that achieving balance between both of these is a mission impossible, to balance this inner and outer aspects of yourself your identity is rather complicated than a thing that goes with my nature. Nonetheless, the integration between these two is what makes me human. A human being who do mistakes along the way and try to purify himself as well in the same passion. A human being who accepts himself with all his odds and hence accept others as they are the same as he is. A human being who is less judgmental, more understanding and have empathy for everyone around.

Auguste Perret once said “Architecture is what makes the ruins beautiful”! as a man of choice, you choose what to see and what truth to believe, ruins for some are only ruins but for others what gives this dead thing a meaning is Architecture. How we choose to interpret our surrounding is what makes us humans. Any act that tries dehumanizing me by telling me this is the truth without allowing me to think about it is inhuman. Standing for my opinions and taking responsibilities of my actions is what makes me human; any act that tries to free me from this obligation towards myself and others and prevents me from struggling to stand for my own responsibilities is inhuman even if the intention was for the good of me.

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But my mentor, what gives this struggle a meaning, what makes the actions of these humans who are contesting this world order a value? In today’s context, anything that is not rewarding or done out of interest is considered a failure, a big one. Those who are on hunger strike inside prisons like Shaikh Khader Adnan, what do they gain besides their own suffering and health issues, a couple of hash tags and profile pictures change on social media? If you asked them, they will always say I will do it again and again and again! What makes this guy raise his voice in solidarity with someone somewhere else in the world that might never gonna be heard stand with a big smile on his face, Alone!! Drama is what makes us humans!

To be continued…

Morality, Norms and after midnight hallucinations!

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It’s been a while when I started the search for the Morality question that lead me in a way or another to norms. As a starter, it was hard for me to accept that right and wrong can be subjective, relative and contextualized. That Einstein’s relativity law can be applied to something like morals! Or as Roger Scruton says: “In argument about moral problems, relativism is the first refuge of the scoundrel.

In the ancient Greek methodology, Agamemnon sacrificed his daughter to Artemis in order to allow his ships to sail to Troy. A man would throw himself into fire to rescue a child or a cat, or more common in our context, an activist would defy the authorities and go against all odds for an idea or a principle he believes in and think it is right! Can such acts be analyzed using reason!

Voltaire said “I hate what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it”. One would argue that the society is built on the self-interest of individual people, that social norms is that silent code of conduct that everyone agrees to as long as it is aligned with their interests. That this collective good is made sometimes against self-interest but with the illusion that it was made for the major good, or based on Bentham’s utilitarianism that based on the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.

Now is this utilitarianism or the collective good is the right and moral thing? Back to the relativism question, this collective good can never have a full consensus from people not to mention that it will not always reflect the interest of the majority. The history is filled with stories about how this can be imposed by certain authorities like the communists who valued the police state and controlled every aspect of their people’s lives or when they creating the individual infallible leader image that was imitated by our Arab countries! The imperialists who invaded other countries and conquered it by force and violence under the name of spreading democracy and social justice! To name less of course.

In Dostoyevsky’s novel “Crime and Punishment”, was guilt and regret the reason Raskolnikov confessed his murder! Was it his conscience that couldn’t hold the weight of his actions! Was it the delusion of the unusual person that he failed to maintain what made him end up in Siberia! Mere conscience would not lead a moral man to do good, to go against the mind and choose the right thing without any calculations. It is what makes violent murderers in jails maintain high values and morals where they can’t betray each other’s trust and be courageous and never cheat!

So talking about moral obligation, what makes us do right things, sacrifice and go against reason and mere logic! Is it our selfishness, the need to be perfect, to achieve self-values and idealizations? Henri Bergson starts his argument with “Why did we obey?” rather than “Why should we obey? According to him one source of moral obligation is social pressure and therefore, social morality is at best is a pressure!

I do believe that Morals are an internal act as Ali Izzat Bigovic stated in his book “Islam between East and West” and I would disagree with John Stuart Mill’s Utilitarianism that argues that morality has two sources that are internal from what is called “conscience” or “super ego” or “Nafs ul Lawwaama” or from being raised in a high moral family and an external act that is enforced by law. Was Bergson correct at least with that assumption? I believe as Bigovic said that enforcement is against freedom and freedom is an essential part of morality. Without freedom there is no moral act, it’s just a social code of conduct and traditions that been practiced over the years and formed our culture.

So the question is still up, what defines moral acts, what gives it its virtue and collective consensus that is the right thing to do! To be continued in another hallucinations!