Momento

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Do you want to see a real story of Oliver Sacks many stories we read! Watch this movie, Momento! I watched this movie a million times and I never felt bored, on the contrary, every time I was more intrigued to think!

You see he lost his short term memory after an accident and was unable to generate new memories and these memories at best lasted for 15 minutes! 15 minutes before your life repeats itself again and again and again! Imagine that you had that thought in your head before the accident and even if you managed somehow to accomplish it afterwards, you never remember! And you keep going behind the same quest again and again and again!

To cope with this, he created a system. He will ink facts (whatever he realizes before forgetting about it) into his body and rely on Polaroid pictures with names on them to identify people! Pretty much messed up, right!

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Remember Sam Jenkins!

He keeps repeating to himself. A case that brought up to him about a guy with a short term memory case that happened after an accident that he himself didn’t believe was true! Would the power of habit works in this case? What do you think?

Now imagine your life built on top of ‘could be facts’ where your brain, the only thing that you relied on your entire life to be true, is no longer effective, no longer valid! Imagine that your life is a time loophole that never ends and anything outside, anyone will try to show you the truth from their own perspective and you can’t do anything about it! People will be the source of your truth, your own life and all you can do is to live in doubt.

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For the book “Islam between East and West”, now this case is really fascinating to be discussed within morality, choice and freedom, would be mental joy at its best, but… Oh, well…

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Coloring and Meditation

Have I ever told you that I get bored quickly! You see, I’m one of those who would try anything to keep their mind busy and ignore nuisance that life brings from time to time. I have mild anxiety level that can jump to 200% in a matter of seconds, and yup, after all these years of fighting this along with depression, stress and coping with what lives brings to our doors each day, I have developed pyrosis (I’m mentioning this now as I’m literally in constant pain and coughing episodes that nothing so far is making it getting better).

However, on a positive note, if you can see one actually, humor and indifference helped me cope with many of these things, specially depression. So what does this have to do with coloring! ok, bare with me for a moment. You see, I finally received Alllie Brosh’s book “Hyperbole and a half” and if you have read this book before, she is actually speaking your mind! The way she articulates depression is so impressive! I gotta say, I might not have the same experiences as she has but the same struggle everyday or as Emil Cioran puts it “The pessimist has to invent new reasons to exist every day: he is a victim of the “meaning” of life“! and that sums up everything!

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Talking about meaning of life, I guess this question keeps popping up in my head every couple of years! You see, again, I get bored quickly, loose meaning in life, why to keep going, what makes you happy, I don’t feel happy easily, sometimes I just can’t be happy or be positive or hopeful all the time! The only thing that keeps me going everyday is my faith and that’s only. I only have faith in God and not in humans and sense I can’t relate much to them or feel happy with them I use humor as a way to create joy and jokes to laugh about! now you are understanding me (only exceptions are those that I do really love and care about that makes me really deep down happy).

Back to depression, reading this book made me seriously depressed or at least reminded me with my miserable inner world. When I first started studying psychology, the only school of thinking that resonates the most with me was the Existential school of therapy, specifically it started with Viktor Frankl and the meaning of life school of thinking. I read Freud, Adler and Frankl was the only one to have a place in my heart to relate to and for a long time. I learned and practiced Gestalt and also have been on the pursuit of meaning in everything I experience and would create my own meanings if I failed to realize it in these things. However, I get bored quickly, I would become more detached than before and will have my dark moments of extreme depression, anxiety and insomnia. (You can learn more if you explored the topics in this link).

But life is never expected or is not always predictable (if you are used to mind-reading or over-analyzing or always_expect_the_worse_never_be_happy_when_good_things_happen)! I buy lots of books from Bookdepository and I always see coloring books as the latest trends for adults, however, never felt so intrigued to actually buy one until I received a number of coloring bookmarks and it just hit me! I grabbed coloring pencils and kept coloring all night long, even at work! the feeling of accomplishment and the need to focus, think creatively to mix colors together and actually utilize your whole brain cells in one task made me feel like euphoria! my hands hurt after all but the next step was to order this coloring book 🙂

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and coloring is used as a form of therapy as they mention in the following video o_O

Back to anxiety, so Rollo May, an existential therapist argues in his book “The Meaning of Anxiety” that “Meeting with anxiety can free us from boredom and sharpen our perception, if there is anxiety, there is life”! Well this is a very big argument to make specially to those who suffers from anxiety. I mean, yes, you might be experimenting like what I just did with coloring, you might be freed from boredom sometimes as you are constantly occupied with something, however, it is definitely not something I do agree with 100%, 99% maybe o_O

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Gaming and Addiction!

Every now and then, I get addicted to a new game! I guess that’s maybe because it makes you focus on one thing, one goal and accomplishing that goal! it all started back from the days of AX-170 Computer (a.k.a Computer Sakhr), a Kuwaiti computer that was targeting the Arab community. I can’t recall the exact date of when we got that one, but I remember being fascinated by the drawing tool in it :).. by the way, we still have it!

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After that, we used to play on the Family Atari, and boy, that was something! I guess I enjoyed the car racing game the most, it was like really big thing! the canon that shoots monkeys and the airplanes one!… memories! I can’t remember how many times the hand was ruined and I guess this one ended up being sold to junk collectors!

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I can’t remember what came first, the Nintendo games or Microsoft 95. My head is missed up around this era, however, for the Nintendo game, Super Mario was the hit, an epic game that was and still my favorite. Even my Mom played that game! we used to play against each other at house and against cousins and uncles and we were professional players! we would reach the final stage in the game without losing any soul! those days were the golden age!

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When we first bought Windows 95 and later on Windows 98, it was all about games! I can’t remember how many games we played on these two! from Tomb raider to Fifa 98, Need for Speed the initial versions. We were pro! proud ones. I used to beat the hell out of my two brothers and it was lots of fun! in Fifa, my brothers hated playing against me as I was a real pro and never left a chance to tease them about me ‘the girl’ beating them 😀

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Add to that, Windows 2000, XP and moving forward! My favorite games would be Need for Speed all versions, Call of Duty all versions too! Fifa all versions, Tennis and the great Grand Theft Auto GTAaaaaa 😀

Play station and Nintendo Wii! we have a Nintendo Wii at the office and I spent half an hour trying to connect it to the TV and make it working. Once it was flashing there on the screen I was so full of myself 😀 but then I found that the controllers were not working so!

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Mobile!

My latest obsession is this! I’m all wrapped up around this and I’m improving over time and bought a bada** bike =D

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Another one that is similar to this and yup, it is a car racer 😀

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And the Adrenaline rush we are having when we play Despicable Me!

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And this one but… MEH! I didn’t go beyond the first Island I was not really hooked up to it!

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Board Games!

Yes, these are my ultimate obsession I guess! It is rare to find someone who enjoys them but I do a lot! and wish to find someone who share my same obsessions 😥

Catan

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Pandemic.

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My Favorite, Ticket to Ride,

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Cluedo

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top that with any card game, I’m all up for it 🙂 Am I a gaming addict, well.. I don’t think so.. yet O_o

سلك السماعة – مصطفى ابراهيم

الكثيرون لا يلقون للشعر العامي أو الغير موزون أي قيمة بحجة البلاغة الأدبية وغيرها من الحجج التي تساق كل مرة في وجه أي بوادر كانت صغيرة أو كبيرة للتغير. لكن عموماً، بما أن الجميع أتفقوا على أن يختلفوا، مقطع قصيدة سلك السماعة من أجمل الأشعار العامية بلاغة برأيي وأعترف أيضاً أنني من المتهمين بالتأثر بالثورة المصرية بغض الطرف عما ألت اليه الأحداث اليوم!

 

الدنيا اساساً م الاول ..
شيء يشبه سلك السماعة ..
يتلعبك منك ف ثواني ..
و عشان يرجع مفرود تاني ..
لازم تتعذب و تعاني ..
و تفكه ف أكتر من ساعة ..

Medianeras: one more time!

Turn the English subtitle on the video to understand the thing!

When I first watched this movie (philosophical view of life) years ago, I was stunned! for a developer whose life is shaped and guided by the online world, it was an irony that some Argentinian director sat one day and thought of all of this!

From the great intro above to the last scene in the movie, I was glued! how often you can find your life depicted on the screen (well, without the love story part!) and how often a screenwriter can relate to you on the creation level!

Every time I watch this movie (watched countless times already) I found myself drowning in my loneliness and despair thinking, how this wired interconnected world is the only thing that ever got me! I lay down staring at the ceiling thinking am I an arrogant person who can’t communicate with others or I’m just a developer who finds it a little bit difficult to relate to others on the real side and hence lack the sense of connection and belonging!

When Brene Brown told us that vulnerability is the source of all the courage in the world, she was totally right! she nailed the thing down, however, what she didn’t realize is that people do not want to connect or relate to the true you or the real you! they want to relate to the nice enhanced version of you that doesn’t feel desperate or depressed! that doesn’t know how to laugh except with those they truly care for and that sometimes they may fail to connect but they desperately wish to communicate and connect!

Synopsis from the film

Martin is a phobic in recovery process. Little by little he manages to step out of theisolation of his one-room apartment and his virtual reality. He is a web designer.

Mariana just broke up after a long relationship. Her head is a mess, just like the apartment where she takes refuge. Martin and Mariana live in the same street, in opposite buildings, but they never met.

They walk through the same places, but they do not notice each other.

How can they meet in a city of three million people?

Urban loneliness.

Buenos Aires.
Medianeras.

What separates them is what brings them together.

All The Way – a Charles Bukowski Poem

If you’re going to try, go all the way.
Otherwise, don’t even start.
This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind.
It could mean not eating for three or four days.
It could mean freezing on a park bench.
It could mean jail. It could mean derision.
It could mean mockery–isolation.
Isolation is the gift.
All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.
And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.
And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
There is no other feeling like that.
You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.
You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.
It’s the only good fight there is.

A year from around the world!

I gotta say, last year between October 2014 and October 2015 I had the most fun and wonderful time in my life! it was travel time through which I had the chance to experience traveling, meeting new people to trying new food, seeing new places and most important: discovering my own self!

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So here are some of last year’s adventures: