Coloring and Meditation

Have I ever told you that I get bored quickly! You see, I’m one of those who would try anything to keep their mind busy and ignore nuisance that life brings from time to time. I have mild anxiety level that can jump to 200% in a matter of seconds, and yup, after all these years of fighting this along with depression, stress and coping with what lives brings to our doors each day, I have developed pyrosis (I’m mentioning this now as I’m literally in constant pain and coughing episodes that nothing so far is making it getting better).

However, on a positive note, if you can see one actually, humor and indifference helped me cope with many of these things, specially depression. So what does this have to do with coloring! ok, bare with me for a moment. You see, I finally received Alllie Brosh’s book “Hyperbole and a half” and if you have read this book before, she is actually speaking your mind! The way she articulates depression is so impressive! I gotta say, I might not have the same experiences as she has but the same struggle everyday or as Emil Cioran puts it “The pessimist has to invent new reasons to exist every day: he is a victim of the “meaning” of life“! and that sums up everything!

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Talking about meaning of life, I guess this question keeps popping up in my head every couple of years! You see, again, I get bored quickly, loose meaning in life, why to keep going, what makes you happy, I don’t feel happy easily, sometimes I just can’t be happy or be positive or hopeful all the time! The only thing that keeps me going everyday is my faith and that’s only. I only have faith in God and not in humans and sense I can’t relate much to them or feel happy with them I use humor as a way to create joy and jokes to laugh about! now you are understanding me (only exceptions are those that I do really love and care about that makes me really deep down happy).

Back to depression, reading this book made me seriously depressed or at least reminded me with my miserable inner world. When I first started studying psychology, the only school of thinking that resonates the most with me was the Existential school of therapy, specifically it started with Viktor Frankl and the meaning of life school of thinking. I read Freud, Adler and Frankl was the only one to have a place in my heart to relate to and for a long time. I learned and practiced Gestalt and also have been on the pursuit of meaning in everything I experience and would create my own meanings if I failed to realize it in these things. However, I get bored quickly, I would become more detached than before and will have my dark moments of extreme depression, anxiety and insomnia. (You can learn more if you explored the topics in this link).

But life is never expected or is not always predictable (if you are used to mind-reading or over-analyzing or always_expect_the_worse_never_be_happy_when_good_things_happen)! I buy lots of books from Bookdepository and I always see coloring books as the latest trends for adults, however, never felt so intrigued to actually buy one until I received a number of coloring bookmarks and it just hit me! I grabbed coloring pencils and kept coloring all night long, even at work! the feeling of accomplishment and the need to focus, think creatively to mix colors together and actually utilize your whole brain cells in one task made me feel like euphoria! my hands hurt after all but the next step was to order this coloring book ๐Ÿ™‚

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and coloring is used as a form of therapy as they mention in the following video o_O

Back to anxiety, so Rollo May, an existential therapist argues in his book “The Meaning of Anxiety” that “Meeting with anxiety can free us from boredom and sharpen our perception, if there is anxiety, there is life”! Well this is a very big argument to make specially to those who suffers from anxiety. I mean, yes, you might be experimenting like what I just did with coloring, you might be freed from boredom sometimes as you are constantly occupied with something, however, it is definitely not something I do agree with 100%, 99% maybe o_O

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Harvard Business Reviews: Think about it!

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I have subscribed to HBR a couple of years ago. I recall my boss sending me some articles to read and recommended that I subscribe to it. At the time, most of my subscriptions included websites like Lifehacker, Gizmodo, Engadget and TechCrunch. Yup, all techie related stuff.

HBR seemed to be a good fit to my new role, something that I could benefit from whenever I had a window to read. The nice thing about it is that it gives you a variety of options along with very catchy titles. Small snippets here and there on concepts and stuff that are very appealing to explore and leads you eventually to know how to select a good read. Also, you can read HBR Magazine on Kindle.

Now after my subscription to Audible, I found a new feature released recently called Channels. HBR obviously, is on the list! from 5 minutes talks to hours, you can explore a number of different topics on the whim! if you are driving or traveling, this sounds like a good companion for the journey!

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Am I socially retarded?

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It occurred to me a while ago that I’m socially challenged and it doesn’t bother me to be honest. However, what brought it up now is because my friend’s wedding is in two days and the only thing I was thinking of whether to reach there a little bit late to avoid the awkward silence or type of chat my friends will be talking to me about or not!

Now, I seriously find it difficult to sit down with my friends and gossip or engage in conversations about their struggle with their kids or spouses and this kind of yada yada chitchat!

Add to that, I find it even more difficult to talk about social stuff and that’s why most of my friends end up asking me about my work and make me feel even more bored with this!

I guess this stopped bothering me overtime, I accepted the fact that I can be challenging when it comes to social conversations. I tried many times to change ๐Ÿ™‚ I can talk to you about any topic from religion to politics, art, movies, psychology, technology, science you name it! I can lecture you on the importance of communication and connection and the challenges this interconnected world is bringing, however, I will not going to be able to tell you that your shoes looks nice or is this an amazing bag, what brand is it!

Also, I go crazy when I find someone who I can connect with and talk! I go hyper insane and will loose control over the way I speak and think ending up pushing these people away.

I guess some stuff can’t be learned reading a book or watching a talk on YouTube. Nevertheless, I’ll end up going to the wedding early and read a book on kindle while praying the bride won’t take forever taking pictures with the groom! I’ll never change obviously O_o

Dear my mentor, Izetbegovic 1

Izetbegovic

Beside my dad, I donโ€™t think that I ever had a living mentor, even the word mentor never came to my mind until I had to describe their influence on my way of thinking. Of those that Iโ€™m proud to call my mentors are Alija Ali Izetbegovic, Abu Hamid Al Ghazali and Malik ben Nabi. Why these among millions and millions of scholars and thinkers, I only can say that this is the well of God.

My dear mentor Alija Ali Izetbegovic,

I recall that one day you said in your book โ€œNotes from prisonโ€, that the blue sky in day light is beautiful, why do we need the night with its darkness? Then after thinking you said, we need the darkness in order to see the beautiful lightening stars. I always smile whenever I remember this, as a big admirer and fan of art, Iโ€™m always fascinated with such expressions but at the same time it draws my attention to why we as humans have a dark side too!

Each one of us has his good and bad, his ups and downs and thatโ€™s a bless in a sense that we tend to value and maintain high standards and morals. We tend to be perfectionists and idealists all the time and the result is becoming more disappointed and depressed of this imperfect and immoral world. However, in your book โ€œIslam between East and Westโ€ you explained how our imperfection is perfection in its own. We are not angles who donโ€™t makes mistakes all the time, and we are not daemons that do mistakes all the time but we are humans who do right and wrong and align with our nature of making mistakes and pursuing doing the right thing all the time.

However my mentor, trying to do the right thing all the time is really tiring, you end up caught up in the middle between your nagging never-stop-hyper-thinking super ego as Freud discussed, and your desires and needs (Id) and this poor ego -that is trying to please both sides and accommodate both of them- is thinking to kill himself. I reached to a conclusion my mentor that achieving balance between both of these is a mission impossible, to balance this inner and outer aspects of yourself your identity is rather complicated than a thing that goes with my nature. Nonetheless, the integration between these two is what makes me human. A human being who do mistakes along the way and try to purify himself as well in the same passion. A human being who accepts himself with all his odds and hence accept others as they are the same as he is. A human being who is less judgmental, more understanding and have empathy for everyone around.

Auguste Perret once said โ€œArchitecture is what makes the ruins beautifulโ€! as a man of choice, you choose what to see and what truth to believe, ruins for some are only ruins but for others what gives this dead thing a meaning is Architecture. How we choose to interpret our surrounding is what makes us humans. Any act that tries dehumanizing me by telling me this is the truth without allowing me to think about it is inhuman. Standing for my opinions and taking responsibilities of my actions is what makes me human; any act that tries to free me from this obligation towards myself and others and prevents me from struggling to stand for my own responsibilities is inhuman even if the intention was for the good of me.

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But my mentor, what gives this struggle a meaning, what makes the actions of these humans who are contesting this world order a value? In todayโ€™s context, anything that is not rewarding or done out of interest is considered a failure, a big one. Those who are on hunger strike inside prisons like Shaikh Khader Adnan, what do they gain besides their own suffering and health issues, a couple of hash tags and profile pictures change on social media? If you asked them, they will always say I will do it again and again and again! What makes this guy raise his voice in solidarity with someone somewhere else in the world that might never gonna be heard stand with a big smile on his face, Alone!! Drama is what makes us humans!

To be continuedโ€ฆ

ู…ู† ูƒุชุงุจ ุฏุณุชูˆุฑ ุงู„ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ ููŠ ุงู„ู‚ุฑุขู†

ุงู„ุงุฎู„ุงู‚

ูŠุญุฏุซู†ุง ู…ุญู…ุฏ ุนุจุฏุงู„ู„ู‡ ุฏุฑุงุฒ ููŠ ูƒุชุงุจู‡ “ุฏุณุชูˆุฑ ุงู„ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ ููŠ ุงู„ู‚ุฑุขู†” ุนู† ู…ุตุงุฏุฑ ุงู„ุฅู„ุฒุงู… ุงู„ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ูŠ ู‚ุงุฆู„ุงู‹:
ุงุณุชุทุงุน ุงู„ููŠู„ุณูˆู ุงู„ูุฑู†ุณูŠ “ู‡ู†ุฑูŠ ุจุฑุฌุณูˆู†” ููŠ ุชุญู„ูŠู„ู‡ ุงู„ุนู…ูŠู‚ ู„ู„ุฅู„ุฒุงู… ุงู„ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ูŠ ุฃู† ูŠูƒุชุดู ู„ู‡ ู…ุตุฏุฑูŠู†: ุฃูˆู„ู‡ู…ุง: ู‚ูˆุฉ “ุงู„ุถุบุท ุงู„ุงุฌุชู…ุงุนูŠ”ุŒ ูˆุงู„ุซุงู†ูŠ: ู‚ูˆุฉ “ุงู„ุฌุฐุจ” ุจู…ุนู†ุงู‡ุง “ุงู„ุฅู†ุณุงู†ูŠ” ุงู„ุดุงู…ู„ ุฃูŠ ุฐูŠ ุงู„ู†ูุญุฉ ุงู„ุฅู„ู‡ูŠุฉ.

ู„ูƒู† ู„ุชุญู‚ูŠู‚ ุงู„ุตูุฉ ุงู„ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ูŠุฉ ูƒู…ุง ูŠู‚ูˆู„ ุฏุฑุงุฒ ู„ุง ูŠูƒููŠ ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ุงู„ู…ุซู„ ุงู„ุฃุนู„ู‰ ููŠ ู†ุธุฑู†ุง ู‡ุฏูุงู‹ ู„ุฃู…ู„ “ุญู…ุงุณูŠ” ูˆู„ุง ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ุฃู…ุฑุงู‹ ู…ู„ุฒู…ุงู‹ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุฌุชู…ุน ูŠุดุจู‡ “ุงู„ุถุฑูŠุจุฉ” ุงู„ุฌุจุฑูŠุฉ. ูˆุฅู†ู…ุง ูŠุฌุจ ุฃู† ูŠุฌุชู…ุน ู‡ุฐุงู† ุงู„ุนู†ุตุฑุงู† ููŠย ุถู…ูŠุฑ ุงู„ูุฑุฏ ุซู… ูŠุฎุฑุฌุงู† ููŠ ุซูˆุจ ุฌุฏูŠุฏ “ู‚ุงุฆู…” ุนู„ู‰ ู…ุจุฏุฃ ู‚ุงู†ูˆู†ูŠ ูŠุคูŠุฏู‡ู…ุง ูˆูŠูˆุฌู‡ู‡ู…ุง “ุงู„ุนู‚ู„”. ูˆู‡ุฐุง ูŠู†ุทุจู‚ ุนู„ู‰ ูƒู„ ุฎุถูˆุน ู„ุง ู…ุจุฑุฑ ู„ู‡ ูŠุตุฏุฑ ุนู† ู†ูˆุน ู…ู† ุงู„ู‚ู‡ุฑ ุงู„ุฅุฌุชู…ุงุนูŠ. ูˆู„ู‡ุฐุง ู†ุฌุฏ ุงู„ู‚ุฑุขู† ูŠู‚ู ุฏุงุฆู…ุงู‹ ุถุฏ ุนุฏูˆูŠู† ู‚ุฏูŠู…ูŠู† ู„ู„ุณู„ูˆูƒ ุงู„ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ูŠ: ุงุชุจุงุน ุงู„ู‡ูˆู‰ (ูˆูŽู„ูŽุง ุชูŽุชูŽู‘ุจูุนู ุงู„ู’ู‡ูŽูˆูŽู‰ูฐ ููŽูŠูุถูู„ูŽู‘ูƒูŽ โ€“ ุต 26) ูˆุงู„ุฅู†ู‚ูŠุงุฏ ุงู„ุฃุนู…ู‰ (ุฅู†ูŽู‘ุง ูˆุฌูŽุฏู’ู†ูŽุง ุขุจูŽุงุกูŽู†ูŽุง ุนูŽู„ูŽู‰ ุฃูู…ูŽู‘ุฉู ูˆุฅู†ูŽู‘ุง ุนูŽู„ูŽู‰ ุขุซูŽุงุฑูู‡ูู… ู…ูู‘ู‚ู’ุชูŽุฏููˆู†ูŽ โ€“ ุงู„ุฒุฎุฑู 22-23) ูู‡ู„ ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ูŠุฑูŠุฏูˆู† ุงู‚ุชูุงุก ุฃุซุฑ ุฃุณู„ุงูู‡ู… ุจู„ุง ุชู…ูŠูŠุฒุŒ ูŠุฑุถูˆู† ู„ุฃู†ูุณู‡ู… ุฐู„ูƒ ุญุชู‰ ูˆู„ูˆ (ุฃูŽูˆูŽู„ูŽูˆู’ ูƒูŽุงู†ูŽ ุขุจูŽุงุคูู‡ูู…ู’ ู„ูŽุง ูŠูŽุนู’ู‚ูู„ููˆู†ูŽ ุดูŽูŠู’ุฆู‹ุง ูˆูŽู„ูŽุง ูŠูŽู‡ู’ุชูŽุฏููˆู†ูŽ โ€“ ุงู„ุจู‚ุฑุฉ 170)

ูˆุงู„ู‚ุฑุขู† ูŠุนู„ู…ู†ุง ุฃู† ุงู„ู†ูุณ ุงู„ุฅู†ุณุงู†ูŠุฉ ู‚ุฏ ุชู„ู‚ุช ููŠ ุชูƒูˆูŠู†ู‡ุง ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ ุงู„ุฅุญุณุงุณ ุจุงู„ุฎูŠุฑ ูˆุงู„ุดุฑ (ููŽุฃูŽู„ู’ู‡ูŽู…ูŽู‡ูŽุง ููุฌููˆุฑูŽู‡ูŽุง ูˆูŽุชูŽู‚ู’ูˆูŽุงู‡ูŽุง โ€“ ุงู„ุดู…ุณ 8) ูˆุฃู†ู‡ุง ู…ุฒูˆุฏุฉ ู…ุน ู…ู„ูƒุฉ ุงู„ุจูŠุงู† ูˆุงู„ุญูˆุงุณ ุงู„ุฎุงุฑุฌูŠุฉ ุจุจุตูŠุฑุฉ ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ูŠุฉ (ุจูŽู„ู ุงู„ู’ุฃูู†ู’ุณูŽุงู†ู ุนูŽู„ูŽู‰ ู†ูŽูู’ุณูู‡ู ุจูŽุตููŠุฑูŽุฉูŒ ูˆูŽู„ูŽูˆู’ ุฃูŽู„ู’ู‚ูŽู‰ ู…ูŽุนูŽุงุฐููŠุฑูŽู‡ู โ€“ ุงู„ู‚ูŠุงู…ุฉ 14) ูˆุฃู†ู‡ ู‡ุฏูŠ ุทุฑูŠู‚ูŠ ุงู„ูุถูŠู„ุฉ ูˆุงู„ุฑุฐูŠู„ุฉ (ูˆูŽู‡ูŽุฏูŽูŠู’ู†ูŽุงู‡ู ุงู„ู†ูŽู‘ุฌู’ุฏูŽูŠู’ู†ู โ€“ ุงู„ุจู„ุฏ 8-10) ุญู‚ุงู‹ (ุฅูู†ูŽู‘ ุงู„ู†ูŽู‘ูู’ุณูŽ ู„ูŽุฃูŽู…ูŽู‘ุงุฑูŽุฉูŒ ุจูุงู„ุณูู‘ูˆุกู โ€“ ูŠูˆุณู 53) ูˆู„ูƒู† ุงู„ุฅู†ุณุงู† ู‚ุงุฏุฑ ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู† ูŠุญูƒู… ู‡ูˆุงู‡ (ูˆูŽุฃูŽู…ูŽู‘ุง ู…ูŽู†ู’ ุฎูŽุงููŽ ู…ูŽู‚ูŽุงู…ูŽ ุฑูŽุจูู‘ู‡ู ูˆูŽู†ูŽู‡ูŽู‰ ุงู„ู†ูŽู‘ูู’ุณูŽ ุนูŽู†ู ุงู„ู’ู‡ูŽูˆูŽู‰ * ููŽุฅูู†ูŽู‘ ุงู„ู’ุฌูŽู†ูŽู‘ุฉูŽ ู‡ููŠูŽ ุงู„ู’ู…ูŽุฃู’ูˆูŽู‰ โ€“ ุงู„ู†ุงุฒุนุงุช 40-41) ูˆุฅุฐุง ู„ู… ุชูƒู† ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุณูŠุทุฑุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ู†ูุณ ู„ุฏู‰ ูƒู„ ุงู„ู†ุงุณุŒ ูุฅู† ู…ู† ุนุจุงุฏ ุงู„ู„ู‡ ู…ู† ูŠุชู…ุชุนูˆู† ุจู‡ุง ุจุชูˆููŠู‚ ู…ู† ุงู„ู„ู‡. ูˆู‡ุฐุง ู…ุง ู‚ุฑุฑู‡ ุฑุณูˆู„ ุงู„ู„ู‡ (ุตู„ู‰ ุงู„ู„ู‡ ุนู„ูŠู‡ ูˆุณู„ู…) ููŠ ู‚ูˆู„ู‡ “ุฅุฐุง ุฃุฑุงุฏ ุงู„ู„ู‡ ุจุนุจุฏ ุฎูŠุฑุงู‹ ุฌุนู„ ู„ู‡ ูˆุงุนุธ ู…ู† ู†ูุณู‡ ูŠุฃู…ุฑู‡ ูˆูŠู†ู‡ุงู‡”. (ู…ุณู†ุฏ ุงู„ูุฑุฏูˆุณ ุตุญูŠุญ ู…ู† ุทุฑูŠู‚ ุฃู… ุณู„ู…ุฉ ุฐูƒุฑู‡ ุงู„ุณูŠูˆุทูŠ ููŠ ุงู„ุฌุงู…ุน)

ูุงู„ู…ุณุฃู„ุฉ ุฅุฐู† ู…ุณุฃู„ุฉ ุงุฎุชูŠุงุฑ ุญุฑ ุฏู†ูŠูˆูŠ ู„ุง ุนู„ูˆูŠุŒ ูŠุคุฏูŠ ุงู„ู‰ ุงุณุชุฎุฏุงู…ู†ุง ุงู„ุญุณู† ุฃูˆ ุงู„ุณูŠุก ู„ู…ู„ูƒุงุชู†ุง ุงู„ุนู„ูŠุง. ูุงู„ุชุฑุจูŠุฉ “ุชุฒูƒูŠู‡ุง” ูˆุงู„ุฅู‡ู…ุงู„ “ูŠูุณุฏู‡ุง” (ู‚ูŽุฏู’ ุฃูŽูู’ู„ูŽุญูŽ ู…ูŽู†ู’ ุฒูŽูƒูŽู‘ุงู‡ูŽุง*ูˆูŽู‚ูŽุฏู’ ุฎูŽุงุจูŽ ู…ูŽู†ู’ ุฏูŽุณูŽู‘ุงู‡ูŽุง โ€“ ุงู„ุดู…ุณ 9-10)