Ohhh Tom! or Ivan! man that was a very freakin’ long ride mate that just reminded me of how miserable I am! You see, it is not that easy to loose everything in one night! one night changes your whole destiny and the way you gonna make choices for the rest of your life.
Having control on every aspect of your life is what we all strive for. Life, family, work all are never predictable, never at your control. However, you delude yourself that somehow you have some modicum control over your relationships with others but nope, it is very ludicrous to think that such thing even exists! man I’m just loosin’ it and I’m losing my mind as well.
I hate this constant feeling of not knowing where I stand now and where we are going! I’m not a quitter, never quit anything before and I’m stubborn like a bull and I just can’t control my mind anymore and I just want to give myself a break from all of this and just float around, float deep down until it has no limits… until the world around you have no meaning and until my feelings for you never exists… I just wanna be perrinal and be light.. lighter than the time that we couldn’t pause…I want to be invincible again, hang out on the borderlines of the nothingness and madness… where life will taste like indifference and my lost soul looks whole again… one more time… just one more time!